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Lokin for a laugh or maybe lookin to be the funniest person in your skool. Well look no more coz we have some gr8 jokes for you Check Em Out!! We hope we make you laugh!!
	most jokes are from www.humor.com (with thanks) QUOTES ABOUT THE SEXES Men get laid, but women get screwed. -- Quentin Crisp (English writer) When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows. -- Frederick Ryder Women need a reason to have sex -- men just need a place. -- Billy Crystal. I love the lines the men use to get us into bed. "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute." What am I, a microwave? -- Beverly Mickins (American comedienne) Do you know why God withheld the sense of humor from women? So that we may love you instead of laugh at you. -- Mrs. Patrick Campbell (English actress) Eventually, all men come out of the bathroom dressed as a majorette. -- Ernestyne White A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times. -- Sanskrit proverb There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked." -- Jerry Seinfeld We got new advice as to what motivated man to walk upright: to free his hands for masturbation. -- Jane Wagner March isn't the only thing that's in like a lion, out like a lamb. -- Anonymous You know why God is a man? Because if God was a woman she would have made sperm taste like chocolate. -- Carrie Snow Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last. -- Remy de Gourmant (French writer) A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses. -- H.L. Mencken (American writer, 1888-1956) When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment. -- Warren Farrell (American Psychologist) Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it. -- Lyndon B. Johnson Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable? -- Carrie Snow God made man before woman to give him time to think of an answer for her first question. -- Anonymous A WHALE OF A JOKE So these two whales, male and female, are swimming happily through the ocean. On seeing a boat, the male says, "Hey, I've got a great idea! Let's swim up under that boat and blow out really hard through our blowholes!" The female says, "Uh... I don't know..." "Come on, it'll be fun, come on, just this once!" The female agrees and they swim up under the boat and blow out, capsizing the boat and sending hapless sailors into the briny blue. As they are swimming away, the male says, "Wow, that was fun, wasn't it?" Hey! I've got another idea! Let's swim back there and eat all the sailors!" The female, exasperated, replies, "Look, I agreed to the blow job, but I'm not swallowing any seamen." MAILBOX A blonde went outside to check her mailbox, and her neighbor kept an eye on her, she had no mail, so she went back inside her house. Two minutes later, the same blonde went outside for the 2nd time to check her mailbox, and still, she had no mail, and the neighbor was confused. One minute later, again the woman comes outside to check her mailbox for the 3rd time, and again, she had no mail. This time, her neighbor went up to her and said, "The Mailman won't be here for another 3 more hours, why do you keep on checking your mail?". The blonde said, "Oh, because my computer keeps on saying, "You've got mail". NEW MEDICINE Did you know they now have Viagra in a nose spray? It's for Dickheads HOMEWORK One day, when Billy came home from school, his mom asked him how his day went. He said, "We're learning about sexual education." She smiled, and said, "At least he's learning something usefull." Billy went up to his room. A little later, Billy's mom went up to his room to call him down to dinner. She opens his door and sees him jerking off. She says, "Billy, when you're done with your homework, supper's on the table." SENIORITIS Top Ten Signs Your Grandparents Are Still Sexually Active: 10. Pair of edible Depends found on bedroom floor. 9. Lately, at night, they put their teeth in the same glass. 8. Grandpa grabs his crotch and complains loudly of "denture-burn." 7. Granny found cuffed to her walker. 6. Not only do you hear the bed squeaking, but also joints. 5. Grandma regularly looks at Grandpa's crotch and claps twice. 4. Your "Grandma" is Anna Nicole Smith. 3. You've just seen the photos in the "BeaverHunt" section of the May (1927) issue of Hustler. 2. Grandmother starts baking Viagra-chip cookies. 1. Kraft-matic adjustable bed set for "doggystyle." THNAKSGIVING SAYINGS Things That Sound Dirty at Thanksgiving, but Aren't... "Whew, that's one terrific spread!" "I'm in the mood for a little dark meat." "Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist." "Talk about a huge breast!" "It's Cool Whip time!" "If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!" "Are you ready for seconds yet?" "Are you going to come again next time?" "It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?" "Just wait your turn, you'll get some!" "Don't play with your meat." "Just spread the legs open & stuff it in." "Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?" "I didn't expect everyone to come at once!" "You still have a little bit on your chin." "Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it." "How long will it take after you stick it in?" "You'll know it's ready when it pops up." "Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!" "How many are coming?" "That's the biggest one I've ever seen!" "Just lay back & take it easy...I'll do the rest." "How long do I beat it before it's ready?" Biggest Mistake God gave men a brain and a penis but only enough blood to use one at a time. OLD LADY AND TIGHTROPE What's the similarity between getting a blow job from an eighty year old woman and walking a tightrope? In both cases, you really don't want to look down.